Sunday, March 14, 2010
If He Likes it Why Hasn’t He Put a Ring on it? 5 Reasons Why Men Get Married
Most sex and the city fans will remember Miranda’s famous words “men are like cabs, they ride along all day, carrying passengers but they only really become available for marriage when their yellow light comes on”. In a not so recent article in the Guardian, a columnist also claimed that a man can date a woman who is 100perecnt of what he wants for years but will end up marrying someone who is 60percent, 6months later simply because he wasn’t ready 6months ago. This explains why there are so many woman walking around with broken hearts wondering why after dating a guy for 6 or 7years he ends up marrying someone else 10months after they’d broken up. The answer seems to be a simple one, he wasn’t ready! Yes, it really does seem to be that simple.
If I am honest, I had my doubts about this somewhat simplistic way of choosing a life partner. After all most women believe they are ‘ready’ for marriage in their early twenties. So how does a man know he is ‘ready for marriage’? What makes the light bulb on the top of his head switch from a dark grey to bright yellow?
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have an inquisitive mind. I discussed these questions with my female friends but we soon realised that the only way to find out any real answers was to go to the enemy’s camp. Yes, we had to speak to the men! So I came up with a plan. I wrote down a list of 25 married and engaged men I knew and a list of questions aimed at deciphering why they had decided to get married. So off I went armed with my pen and paper and my mind poised with the determination of a woman going to war!
I made notes, spoke to friends and asked questions. I was excited, finally I would help women to discover what hinders that ever so illusive proposal.
Here are the top five reasons. Please ladies, as I always say, do not shoot the messenger! These answers are straight from the horse’s mouth! If you disapprove of any of the reasons, please take it up with the nearest available man you meet, not me! Thanks :)
Pressure:
Oddly enough this was the most popular answer. According to approximately 80percent of men surveyed, pressure was the primary reason for their nuptial decision. Pressure comes in different ways but mostly from family, girlfriend and peers. Pressure could also come where the girlfriend is pregnant or when the man’s career is dependent on him having a family.
Sense of belonging
This is closely tied to peer pressure already mentioned above. For example, although most men try their hardest to hide it, they really do want to belong. They feel a sense of unfulfilment when their peers get married and have children and they remain bachelors. Thus being a married man also carries with it a ‘big boy’ status. It indicates that you are financially capable to take care of a family and that comes with a sense of pride every man cherishes.
Reproduction
Never mess with a man’s need to procreate. In fact I have met many single men who say they would be content to have children outside wedlock and close shop permanently. Why bother with the nagging ways of a woman when all you really need is her womb? One blatantly asked me on one occasion. I am sure we are also aware of many men who want to get their girlfriends pregnant before they take them up the aisle.
Love
Believe it or not, fewer men, than we women would like to believe, marry for love. In fact when I asked the men I surveyed to rank their responses by order of importance, love ranked between 2nd and 3rd on a scale of 1-5 (5 being of higher imortance). Now don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that husbands don’t love their wives, it just means that love might not have been his primary reason for marring them.
Companionship
This too was ranked the least important. But I’ll confess, I was glad to know that even men had somewhat of a sentimental side to them. As expected, however, it was only my close friends in the survey who readily admitted that they too get lonely and loved having someone to come home too. Some even went as far as saying that the thought of being old and alone scared them. Who knew, men and women may well be from the same planet!
After the survey was completed, I tried to find a way to summarise these key points into one poignant tip. I looked through my notes expecting to have a eureka moment equivalent to that of Thomas Edison when he discovered the light bulb, alas it was not to be. There really doesn’t seem to be anything that makes a man ‘ready’ for marriage. Rather it shows that men are by nature ‘not ready’ animals. They know exactly the level of commitment that marriage entails and most would, if left to their own devices do without it.
This is the polar opposite to women who seem to be genetically predisposed to a ‘longing’ for marriage, stemming possibly from the need for validation, companionship and intimacy. Women operate with love. Men on the other hand seem more procedural. Choosing a wife almost becomes like the task of picking a personal assistant rather than a life partner! Or maybe I am being a bit too harsh? Maybe that’s just how men are and we should accept them for the logical, procedural mammals they are. But what happens when you are ready for marriage and your beloved is not? Well, if the above reasons are anything to go by, you have one of two choices;
1. Wait prayerfully while subtly applying pressure and hinting at his need for companionship and procreation. or…………………..
2. Get out of that relationship and yell TAXI at the next stop!
By Glory Edozien
via bellanaija.com
NEW MUSIC/VIDEOS: 166 Family – Executive Team, Slick Rick - I Wanna Rock Freestyle
Uncle Ricky is still sooo sick!!
Rapper Young Dro talks about his highly publicized past relationship to American Idol Star Fantasia
lol Dro is hilarious, and I always knew Fantasia was ghetto as hell!!!!!! Has anyone seen her reality TV show??? Home girl is straight hood!!!!!!! lol
Friday, March 12, 2010
I'm Sleeping with a married woman!!!!!!!!!!!
It's been a while since anything came by our openbook email, but suddenly this one came through and I must say it's quite the story. Read this from our anonymous openbook writer, and throw some advice if any...Me I don't know what to tell the guy that he doesn't already know.
From the title, it'll seem a little crude and brash what I'm trying to say, but it is the truth I speak. I am f*cking a married woman, or shall I say, a "happily" married woman. I know I need to stop, and there is no good end to a story like this, but I just can't seem to help myself. Before we all throw stones, I think it's important to understand how all this came about.
It all started about 2 years ago. I was out with my friends for a Nigerian Independence day gathering at a joint in Kano, when I spotted an extremely beautiful, bright skinned woman that has just walked in. She didn't look like she was there to hang, but rather to get suya and leave. She wasn't dressed in a flashy way, and pretty much looked like she had just strolled out of the house casually. I sat there observing her for a little while, and then one of my guys just said "Ole boy, enter the babe now, if u wan enter... no just dey there dey look." I approached her, and after a short conversation we exchanged numbers and she dashed off as she said she was not supposed to be out for long. That was how I met Bose.
A couple of days later, we chatted on the phone, and exchanged a few text messages and eventually decided to meet up for drinks and suya at the same joint we met at. We chatted, gisted and just generally connected. We were so in tune with each other that I was beginning to really like her already, and then she told me something I wasn't prepared for. That she had just recently separated from her husband, and was steal dealing with the overwhelming shock and social stigma of it. At 28, she explained that she was a mother of 2, with no husband. In her words, "not what I would've thought of the day I got married." We continued our drinks, and after a while we were both pretty tipsy. I decided to drop her off at her place. The house was a big family size house, and I remember wondering if she just bought/rented it after the divorce or the ex-husband vacated the residence for her. It seemed a little odd to have such a nice place shortly after a divorce, but whatever. I walked her to the door, and was just going to settle for a hug, when all of sudden she grabbed me and began to kiss me, and before I knew what was happening we were rolling into her living room, undressing along the way, and baam... we were f**king on the couch. As weird as it felt, I loved every second of it. She did things that night, that I would never have thought she'd be so comfortable doing. After cuddling and kissing for a little while, we both passed out on the cold marble floor.
Next morning, she wakes me up sharply and tells me I need to leave as her family members were coming, and so I quickly put on my clothes, and ran out of the house. She promised she would call me, but that I shouldn't call her as she doesn't want her family to think she is already dating again shortly after her separation. I agreed and let it be. Heck, I was still in pleasant shock from what transpired the night before and was ready to drop the gist to my padis asap.
Weeks passed and still no call from Bose, and after I sent a couple of text messages that received no reply, I decided to forget about her. I was at the joint again one day to go get suya for some visitors at my place when I saw Bose again.... looking extra fine as always and with 2 young toddlers. I approached and she smiled and apologized for not calling me back, and said she would soonest. I definitely didn't think I'll be getting a text message less than an hour after we saw... "My family is still at my house... Can you meet me at Kabo Hotel in 2 hrs?" 2.5 hours later we were at the master suite in Kabo hotel having wild sex once again. Next morning I wake up alone, with a note by the bed, with Bose saying she had to get back home before everyone in the house woke up. At this point, I started suspecting that something fishy was up... that she might not be entirely honest about things, but I quickly buried that suspicion. After all she's not my wife or girlfriend so I have no right to question her so to speak.
This random, and spontaneous sex-capades continued for about 6 months. I'd get a call or text from her and we'd hook up and f*ck. That's what I call it, cos that is exactly what it was. Very little conversation for the most part, and I liked the thrill of it. Which guy wouldn't like no-strings attached sex?
All seemed ok, until one day I was looking through a recently published Ovation magazine only to see a picture of Bose with a well built heavy looking man, and underneath, the caption read Chief & Mrs blah blah blah at the opening ceremony of some boutique that was recently opened. I tried to calculate in a way that it must've been before we met, but this boutique was opened a few months ago. She's married. That little bug in me that told me something wasn't right is actually a reality. A Big Reality. I sent her a text and demanded to know if she was married and without any extra explanation, she simply replied, "Yes, I am." I was sooo disguted with myself and her that I swore not to see her again and immediately deleted her number.
A couple of weeks later, a call comes in and it's Bose on the other line... she pleads with me and explains to me that they are trying to work it out, and after a couple of mins of talking tells me that she needs me, and as weak of a person that I am, I agreed to meet her at her place. Her husband was out of town on business. Another wild f**king session happened, and this time the house was empty so we explored every corner of the house. From the kitchen, to the living room, the master bedroom and in the jacuzzi. It was as if we were trying to get it in for the last time. Except that it wasn't the last time.
The routine was back on, and we'd hook up and f**k at her convenience and seeing that I am single, I wasn't feeling like I was cheating on anyone. The bad feeling that I do have though is much worse, and that is that karma will come back to bite me. I'm sexually addicted to a married woman and I don't know how to end it. Each time I tell myself I'm done, she calls and just like that, I'm in her again. It also seems like recently I've run into her and her husband a little more than usual and each time we see in public when she is with her husband we pretend like we don't know each other.... like we are total strangers. I look at him and feel like crap, because I know I could easily be in his shoes. From the outside he looks like he takes care of his business as a husband and father, and from all indication doesn't seem to have outside babes.
But I'm just addicted to Bose's body. The sex is incredible and in all honesty, I'm not ready to just let it go like that. But I feel like one day I'll get caught in the act. I'm hooked, and even if I tried to stop, all it takes is her request and I'll come running back. I need advice. Do I need to move? Do I need therapy? I feel like I know the right thing to do, but I can't get myself to doing it. Any advice will help.
via jaguda.com
NBA TOP 10 10/03/2010
Man did y'all see what JR smith just did for the #1 dunk lol, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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